


The Diary of A Ms. Quinzel

by Milka_Moo



Category: Harley Quinn (Cartoon 2019), Harley Quinn (Comics)
Genre: Character Study, Diary/Journal
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:14:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25062976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Milka_Moo/pseuds/Milka_Moo
Summary: A character study of Harley Quinn through diary entries.
Kudos: 8





	1. Entry 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've mixed together many of the canons from the comics and cartoon, so there will be things that don't make sense if you were expecting me to go by one singular version of Harley.

Why the hell do I have to write in this stupid journal? Because the doc requested it? Because the Bat's put in a good word for me? Again? Why is that bat fucker always going easy on me? Or is it because I wanna get my story straight?

Could be all of em. Who knows? I'm batshit, haha bat. I've got nothin better to do while I wait to escape anyway.

Today's topic, dun dun dun. Childhood. Doc probably wants to know if daddy touched me. Nah, he may have given me looks but that waste of a human being never had the opportunity to, between mom being always home always drunk and him always having to duck out because he owed money to various people.

My most vivid memories of dear ol' deadbeat would be seeing his occasional business meetings in the backyard from my bedroom window. I just thought having one man hold my dad from behind while another punched him in the face and stomach were just a part of business. I mean it still is, but fucking hell, no five year old needs to see that. 

Aside from watching daddy get the shit knocked out of him. I was your average little girl. I did the usual little girl things, crush on Frankie Muniz, collecting dolls, killing the hamster of my kindergarten bully. Oh that one, now that's a funny story. So this girl, what's her name… alright we'll call her Hamham, she looked like a hamster. Maybe that's why she loved her pet Mr.Down-the-chute, okay that's not his name, if I can't remember Hamham's name I sure as hell won't remember the name of a puffed up rat.

Anyways where was I… oh yeah the death of one hamster. So Hamham would constantly pull my pigtails and work on her mean girl routine. One day she got mouthy, something about my ma being a useless drunk and allowing me to grow up feral. Yeah, she used fera.l What six year old do you know uses the word feral? I mean she wasn't wrong as she found out. What was I supposed to do let her sit back and disrespect me, no way jose. During recess I corned her on the gymnasium and pushed her off; she didn't really get hurt, just a few scrapes but she still cried like a lil' bitch and got me put in timeout too. The next day as I walked myself to school, cause ma was too busy gossiping on the phone and dad was dodging another collector, she tripped me covering me in mud while her barbie plastic mom looked the other way. I went home to change, I lived like a block away, and that whole time I was trying to figure out how to get even. That's the one good thing dad taught me to stand up for myself. 

When I made it back I got inspiration for my revenge, it was show and tell and guess who had decided to bring a soon to be dead hamster to school. She was so proud as she showed it off and bragged about it being a rare long hair or something, she mentioned how she didn't want anyone to be jealous so she'd let us all hold it, except for that freak Harleen Quinn. One by one everyone gets a turn to play with the disgusting hairball with legs, you know how annoying it is to hear people coo over something that's really not that cute like babies. I mean if you want to see cute babies you should check out my Hyenas. They're the cutest, but that's not important. What is important is what I did. So during recess I snuck back into the classroom and found little fuzzball all safe and sound in his widdle cage. After liberating him to a secret location,I grabbed the cage and walked back to the playground. It took Hamham five seconds to notice me, she ran over to me yelling about getting my dirty freak hands off her cage and to give it back. I obliged; I gave it right back to her nose. 

The blood, it was like someone popped a ketchup packet, I laughed and then I was hit. Not by Hamham she was too busy crying over her nose, but one of her cronies. Its a no-brainer that I won that fight, and got the grand prize of being sent to the principal office, not just for fighting but because I played dumb about the missing rat, I mean hamster. Before being marched to the office I had to use the restroom, I wasn't alone but when I came out of there I definitely was except for a little souvenir. The Principle kept demanding I tell him where the hamster was, what could I tell old fat and toady except the truth I didn't know. I mean how could I, he was having an adventure somewhere in the Jersey sewer system. They proceeded to search me, yeah you heard that right they searched a minor, and found the souvenir a wad of hair. The look on Hamham's face when they gave her the fur was priceless, her face inflated and she turned so many colors, so so many colors. That's when I found out I liked other people's pain. Oh yeah they also suspended me. Dad was so proud until Hamham's bigger, stronger dad came around demanding payment a week later. That fuck made me apologize and even forced me to give Hamham the allowance I had saved up for a clown doll I had seen earlier that year. My mother just stood drunkenly in the doorway leering and muttering how I brought shame to the family. I learned another thing that day, I was on my own.

I'm bored with story time now, plus it's lunch and they're serving pudding and I wanna get Ivy's before she gives it away. What person doesn't love puddin', vegans that's who.


	2. Entry 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some of Harley's teen years

Entry 2

Another week another entry. Okay more like another month another entry. Kinda hard to go to group therapy and write journal entries when you're in solitary. Doc seemed a little concerned when she read my entry and tried to pry. So I pried back, hitting little insecurities I had picked up on, the other inmates joined in. I may have gotten a little teensy weensy bit ahead of myself and caused a riot. That was fun, I got to incapacitate four guards before they tranquilized me.

So today's topic is. Can I get a drum roll. Yep I actually did a drum roll. It's, can you guess? No? It's my teenage years with a focus on my relationships.

This should be pretty short, I hated everyone and my teen years saw me in and out of juvie. Not good enough? Fine, let's walk down Harley Lane and see what I can find.

Oh,oh. I got something, it's a doozy. Let me just say I still deny having anything to do with John Kane's disappearance, I only torched his car. I was in tenth grade, nothing special I had taken to studies and regular gymnastic training, okay that last part was court mandated as a way to channel my aggressions, especially since I was already enrolled in some. So when a boy noticed me, you can beat your ass I was a little defensive. Okay I may have slammed my bag into his stomach, but like I said defensive. But there was something about having someone's attention. Everyday for a month he would visit the library and try to strike up a conversation. Before I knew it we were dating.

We were like a house on fire, inseparable. He told me he'd heard the rumors about me and my crazy family, he didn't care. He in fact let me indulge in my crazier side. We would spend hours terrorizing the neighborhood. Setting trash cans on fire, petty theft, mugging. It was a dream, that is until I found out he'd been stepping out on me with that harlot Kevin. So I confronted him, he just laughed and told me it was all a game. He'd just wanted bragging rights for dating the Crazy of Jersey high, he even ripped his letterman jacket off of me and placed it on that fuckboy. I lost it, I don't remember what happened just that I was back in juvie and Kevin was hospitalized. Rumors have it I attacked Kevin and broke both of his legs before dragging him into the streets. There was supposedly a chase and it took the cops an hour to catch me, my acrobatics had come in handy. During my stint in juvie, two things occupied my mind, revenge and this girl named Ivana. We were cell mates and we sorta kinda fooled around while we were there. When we both were released she helped me with my problem and then she was gone with just a kiss and a request to torch the car. I did it without a second thought. That was my fastest return to Juvie ever.

Let's see, hmmm I guess I had a relationship with my grams in highschool. I had moved to live with her in Gotham after they released me from juvie for the car torching. Ma said it was for better opportunities and a fresh start. The drunk bitch hadn't even fully hung up when I heard her telling douchedad they were rid of me. Sadly I only actually lived with her for two months before she passed away. From there I kinda just stayed in her place, she'd paid up to a year in advance. The drag queen down the hall named Mama took care of me. Made sure I was fed and at least did my assignments and went in for tests even if I'd mostly dropped outta school and never let me miss a gymnastics competition. Not gonna lie if not for Mama, I'd probably not have graduated or gotten that scholarship. Th even took me in when the rent ran out. It was a nice set-up but like all good things that too came to a end, gentrification or somethin like that. Mama ended up living in the drag club she ran, or rather the abandoned building the club held its events. I didn't go with her, I wanted to see what it was like living on my own. It wasn't easy, but I did it and even graduated and got a mysterious scholarship for gymnastics. Mama even came to see me. She cheered when I flipped off my class and told everyone to eat my ass.

So's I guess that's somethin' from my teen years. It was a blur.


	3. Entry 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harley writes about college

Entry 3

So I guess she wants to know about me in college and what led me to becoming a shrink.

How I got accepted into Gotham University is a mystery to me. Apparently someone from the Wayne foundation had seen me compete in some gymnastic competition I don't remember doing, had a lot going on,and well they offered me a scholarship at my highschool graduation.

Why I became a head doctor is pretty obvious, I'm a head case and wanted to figure out my brand of crazy or at least prove the last psychologist, the one from juvie, was wrong about their diagnosis. They said I had borderline personality disorder, anti-social personality disorder, bipolar-disorder, adhd and that's just the one's they officially diagnosed me with. I say screw that, I mean yeah it all fits, even through my own diagnosis, but that wasn't it, I felt there was something missin'. So that's why I became a psychiatrist. And to figure out why my ma and pa were so fucked up. Now yous maybe wondering where the interest in criminal psychology came from, during my first year at Gotham U I was held hostage by Gotham's worst and my fuckin lousy ex The Joker. Normally most girls would have pissed themselves, but not me. I was fascinated. Intrigued. And totally reved up. Like a Harley. Get it? I was wet. Anyways after that I started looking into the criminals of Gotham reading their case studies, it was interestin to see the way their minds worked. To see similarities between myself and them. It took me roughly all of my undergrad to read through every study, I even wrote my Thesis on Gotham's criminally insane which got me accepted not only into Gotham U's medical school it got me accepted into Arkham Asylum as a psychiatric intern for my Residency.

I say I read them all, but I'd be lying if I said there was one I held off on. You know who he is. For some reason or another… ,obsession the sane part of me says, I wanted to take my time and work myself up to reading it. And I finally did during the summer before my final year. And you know what I found? Almost squat. Ramblings, contradictions, sudden ends to the files that did show promise. I found out why later. Anyone who pried too deep and got too close to figuring something out Joker killed. I knew returning that fall semester I was going to be the one. The one to get into the Joker's head. My final thesis was on him and its still the only accurate case study of the Joker even if it was based on incomplete case studies. I should probably clarify, the only accurate case study that was published anyway. I took the one I was building with me when I left Arkham one last time

I think that answers the question.


	4. Entry 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harley writes about her time as a doctor at Arkham

Entry 4

No witty punchlines today. Got into a fight with Red, she says I'm falling for Mr. J again. I'm not, I just.. he just… it was just a giggle. Besides he was with some other girl, she's like an edgier sexier younger me. Her name's Gagline or something. Not like I'm jealous or anything.

Arkham is what I'm supposed to talk about. Its supposed to be a two part thing, This one's about my time as a Psychiatrist.

So the simple of it. I came to Arkham, got a little too close with the inmates, especially one in particular. From there that's all she wrote.

I guess I can expand on it a little.

When I first arrived at Arkham I spent the week learning evacuation procedures for riots and other disasters, pretty much every man for themselves, and getting it drilled into my head the Arkham inmates were not people but blood thirsty animals. I told myself I knew better.

My first case might not be who you expected. The director didn't feel confident that I could handle Joker. So no, my first case was, my now best friend in the whole world, Ivy . Quick sidenote, I went to highschool and college with Ivy and I didn't even know it. Anyway Ivy was actually a newcomer to Arkham, she wasn't yet the Posionous Flower we all know and love. No she was just getting started. She'd almost successfully blown up a research center that had been polluting the Gotham National Park. Getting through to her took a lot of work, almost a year. The first time we sat in a room together she barely looked at me, and all I could see was a young woman who's reddish brown hair and willow brownish-grey skin was burned. She'd tried to escape three days prior. Some guard had made the mistake of carrying a lucky flower his daughter had found, a lot of good it did him when Ivy strangled him with it. 

Anyway for the first session all I was met with was cold indifference. The second, well she spat in my face when I asked her how her day had been. After that I looked over her case file, no prior major trouble with the law, a few arrests for protests and political stunts in highschool, I did however find she'd spent several months in foster care. Another note that caught my interest was one her past doctors had noticed she opened up when it came to topics of plants, with the only warning being never to question the importance of plants. No shit, she was an eco terrorist with plant powers, so yeah those two things would probably get her talking but not about anything that could be used to make a plan for treatment. But the last part never question the importance of plants, I could probably use that, somehow.

I didn't get to see Ivy for almost two months, she and a few inmates had escaped Arkham. During those two months I worked with the other rogues of Gotham: Riddler, Penguin, God I hate that little shit soo much, Two face, Bane. None of them gave up much other than what I'd already learned from reading their files. The Riddler gave me better understanding of what I was dealing with as he was led back to his cell. He'd stopped and gave me a riddle. Something about, Who wishes to get inside and see the truth, yet remains outside and ignorant? Of course they wouldn't trust me, I was nothing like them. So I changed or rather I dropped the flowery nice girl act and was Harleen from Jersey. It worked, they opened up to me. I was making so much progress and even the director had to give me credit. She finally let me have what I wanted. She was going to allow me to begin working with Joker. Of course there were rules. I wasn't allowed inside the clear plastic cell they kept him in, I could only ask him questions and answer only questions pertaining to his treatment. I would only treat him twice a month. Around that time Ivy had been returned to Arkham. She'd changed, grown into herself, I watched her around the complex, she'd grown more assertive, she was still a loner of course. I found myself feeling a bit of happiness at the change. Maybe that meant she'd probably be more open. I was wrong.

So wrong. In fact our third session ended with her having to be sedated as she let me have it about how arrogant I was and had flung a chair at me. She said a lot of things that echoed what Riddler had said. Right after her, a little shaken, I went to my first session with Joker. It was, It was mostly a let down. They had him so drugged up he was sitting in stupor, spittle rolling down the side of his face. I sat there just watching him from outside his cell for that whole time just taking him in. What had they done to the man that had held me hostage, had fueled my drive to complete my degree. When I got up to leave, we made eye contact for the first time and I could swear the look in his eyes was lucid and he let out a cackle that became his trademark shrill manic laugh. That laugh… I couldn't shake the feelings of surprise and fear at how easily he'd played me. More than anything I couldn't deny hearing that laugh had made my heart flutter.

Everything else got pretty monotonous after that first meeting. My sessions were going okay with the exception of Ivy. We'd had eight sessions and still nothing. During the ninth session in which I had tried to pry into her thoughts she'd told me that I wasn't shit and I hadn't really gotten the others to actually open up, it was under order of him that they had. She laughed and then yelled for the guard to get her before she brained me. Not gonna lie, she'd gotten to me. I had to take a moment to compose myself, cause there was no way in hell I was gonna let any of them see me rattled. He saw it the moment I sat in front of his cell. He commented on it, inquired on what was making me frown. He almost seemed charming, if not for the orange jumpsuit and unkempt look. I had to resist the urge to answer him. Instead I asked him questions, but he kept deflecting bringing the topic back to me. Finally I snapped and he smiled, oh God that smile it made me weak at the knees. He told me that’s the Harley he wanted to see, the one the others got to see. He admitted to being the one to get the others to tell me what I wanted. And then he'd asked if he'd be getting a treat for being a good boy. The treat he wanted, me in his cell. How could he trust me otherwise. Before I knew it I found myself inside his cell, one of the guards had let me in, probably one of Joker's henches. He laughed and smiled, I smiled back and then I found myself in a hold with my pen held to my neck. I reacted like any professional, I slammed the back of my head into his face and back kicked him in the groin. He let me go falling to the floor howling with laughter the whole time. I quickly escaped the cell and fled, I heard him calling after me telling me next time he would be well behaved. I got my ass chewed by the director, that cow didn't understand if I was going to work with Joker I needed to gain his trust, that it'd been a test. He'd only drawn a smiley face on my neck. She'd promised me I'd never work with him again. A week later she was found in her office mouth split from side to side and her tongue missing. In her blood the killer had written only liars say never. I knew who had done it and why and it made me feel special. The next director was more laid back, he'd heard of me and had read my paper and felt fully confident I could not only handle Joker but actually treat him and that should be my sole focus.I should've known he was full of shit..

So with my focus to be primarily on Joker all my cases had been given to other Doctors, except for one special exception. I had requested to still work with Ivy, I knew I could get through to her. She was smart, I could tell from the look in her eyes and the fact that I had been sorta spying on her and saw she was constantly reading or in deep thought. So I came up with the idea of bringing her an antique book of botany I'd found online. She'd looked at me as if I was stupid when I first handed it to her. Maybe I was stupid, but I wasn't going to give up on her. Leafing through it I saw a hint of a smile and was content to let her read through the pages for the rest of her time, she looked beautiful. Not that I could've said that to her at the time. When she was leaving she thanked me and then her face had grown hard as she warned me to not be so trusting.

I won't give you a blow by blow anymore because my hand is starting to hurt. But my sessions with Joker went well, too well. He got into my head more than I got into his. He knew how to play up to my insecurities, could say the right thing, make me feel special, seen. Things I hadn't thought I would ever feel from anyone.. I started doing him small little favors, leaving a pen here, small things from the outside world there. Before I knew it I was disguising myself as an inmate and helping him escape every now and then. During one of those escapes I had even smuggled Ivy some seeds, we'd grown close during my masquerade. I would say we were almost friends. All good things come to an end though. I was called into the Director's office. I don't remember what happened next clearly. It was like a dream, he'd told me he knew about my little experiment and had let it slide because I had gotten so much on Joker, and now it was time to pay up. It was either my job or allow him to take credit for my study. I killed him, or I think I did. I mean I know I smashed a lamp over his head and stabbed him several times with a pen in the throat, but it didn't feel like it was me. I only came back to myself as I stood on a walkway with Mr. J above a vat of acid. He asked me if I wanted to be his, and I said yes. I wanted this more than anything, I needed this. I needed his affection. He told me all I had to do was go through his baptism and jump into the acid. I kissed him on the cheek called him puddin' and jumped. That day Dr. Harleen died, and Harley Quinn was born. 

Man it hurt like a bitch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So just a quick side note Ivy is a mix of quite a few different Ivy's but the most prominent being the non-meta human Ivy from Harley Quinn: breaking glass and Ivy from the Harley Quinn the cartoon.


	5. Entry 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harley writes a little about Ivy

Entry 5

So quick update, I escaped Arkham, well a bunch of us did. Currently Ivy and I are holed up in a hidey hole. We're supposed to be laying low, but I wanna knock over a toy store to restart my collections of stuffies but Ivy said to wait and go find something else to do. Indoors…. Ughhhh

I guess that's what this is. Me doing something. But what to write about? Not Arkham. Well since I'm with Ivy. I could talk about her. Where do I begin?

Well she's my bestest Gal pal, my lovely Red. She's always been there for me, most of the time. Sometimes she gets her pansies all in a bunch and "ends" are friendship.

She's seen me through some rough patches, even patched me up, a lot. She was there every time Mr.J, I mean Joker kicked me out or hospitalized me. During one pf those times we'd spend all our time together, watching movies, watching her do experiments, meltng people's faces off with Venus fly trap acid. It was great. Then she started getting at me about leaving Joker, how I didn't deserve to be treated like that. Blah blah blah. I blew up, told her things like she should stick to givin advice about plants not people. She ignored me for the rest of my stay with her which was about a month, after that I didn't hear from her for almost a year. I had other things on my mind at the time, funny things.

But you know what happened, Joker tried to blow me and the bats up with joker toxin. I thought I was a goner and they rushed me straight to the hospital, handcuffed of course. I was barely lucid when I heard screams and saw vines reaching into my room. When I came too, I was in bed with Ivy sitting next to me. She didn't say a word only hugged me, I think that was my first taste of unconditional love. And my first kiss with a woman,just to clarify I'd kissed girls before when I was younger but never a woman. It felt amazing, her lips were waaaay softer than Joker's, her breath in my mouth tasted like… if you were to turn the green stuff in grass into ice cream into breath. Yeah like that. Then I blacked out. I forgot she had poisonous lips, but man was it worth it. I even got revived with another kiss. After that, we were, not quite a thing, but there was alot of kissing, sex, and showers, even kissing while having sex in the shower. I stayed with Ivy for six whole months, we became a team, knocking over banks, killing corporate scum who were destroying the earth. Near the end it was like she could sense something. The last night she cooked, vegan food…. It was alright, and then she schmoozed me. It was a blast we laughed, danced and Geeze-whiz-Batman was the sex that night great. Red sure knows how to use vines, I could write about that night for pages. But I'm not. 

Afterwards we lay in a vine hammock at the very top of our greenhouse hideout and watched the sunrise. It felt safe,and it scared me. It was too nice. She asked me if I wanted to keep our team permanent. I told her I would think about it. I was lying and she knew it. I felt like a flea on one of my babies, actually I felt like their poop. She told me I always had a hide out with her and then she went to sleep. I bailed. But each time she still let me come back.

Like I said She's my best friend. I'd almost do anything for her. Except go vegan.


	6. Entry 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...

Entry 6

Still haven't got caught. Been real busy. Puddin' and I were busy celebrating our reunion, burgalry and lil' murder. Seeing the sights, destroying property. It's been a blast.

Mr. J sure has changed. He lets me pitch ideas, he shoots them down as stupid but he uses em and calls them his own. That's how I know he likes them. He hasn't hit me, without consent. It's peaches and creamsicles.

The other day we were robbing this yacht full of richies. I started setting up the punchline and Joker took over. He said he didn't want me to do it alone and thought it'd go better together. Aint he smart. I love him.

Oh oh. He also got me a new stuffed clown and a shirt that says Daddy's little girl. I crossed out girl and replaced it with psychopath. I can wear it around the house but he wants me in costume during business. Thats just fine by me, I love my costume, though I don't see why he won't let me have spikey balls at the ends of my hat. I gotta go, Puddin's callin', don't wanna keep my man waiting.


	7. Entry 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...

Entry 7

Guess who's back in Arkham? It's me! That fucking asshole turned on me again! I'm done with him I mean it. I don't need that pale faced fuck in my life. He's always like, look at me I'm the Joker, I have bleached skin and wear make up, look how edgy that makes me. Like omg any goth kid could say the same, and just like them it doesn't make you special or edgy.

Plus the guy's totally in love with another man. Not that that's a problem, just admit it. And not in that we complete each other as Ying and yang bullshit. Like he cried when the Bats went missing for six months and was replaced with some other schmuck. I can't believe this is the guy who I gave my eternal loyalty to. Enough is enough I won't go back to him. Not again. Be right back journey a guard is at my cell….

Oh my gosh its a gift from Mr. J. He sent me a small clown Keychain and a rose with an apology. I knew he still cared and was sorry. I JUST KNEW It. Harleen, yeah the tiny sane voice still left, is telling me I'm being codependent, I say screw her. What's a few broke ribs when it comes to love?


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harley writes about love

Entry 8

Oh hey, Journey, I thought I lost you. How long has it been since I last wrote in you? About a year, almost two? Well time for a quick catch-up. I'm crazier than ever, I even see things that ain't supposed to be there. Blame bleached asshole for that. He and I are through, done, splitskies. 

I started doin' a lil hero work, yeah big shocker, but sometimes it feels good to be a good guy. Okay, Bats says I'm not good if I maim and kill all of the baddies, but doesn't he do the same? Fucking Hypocrite. 

Ivy and I, well…. I told her I loved her. I wanted to make things official, she rejected me. Giving all kinds of excuses. Like I know I'm impulsive, I know I get bored real easy, but I would do anything for her. Yet she says she can't trust me with her heart. It sucks, and not in the good way that b list movies do.

She asked me how I could love her when I didn't know how to love or what real love was. She doesn't know nothin. I know love, the kind that'll make you do something stupid. The kind that'll make you feel so high because the person brought you so low.

I know all about love. The soft gentle kind, when he'd smile at me after a success, his arms around me telling me the world is ours. The way he'd make himself look normal so he could go and get that toy I had been waiting for months to release. Him calling me his Harley. I know its dark rough side too, spitting blood in the sink after I screwed up. And I was always screwing up. Being kicked out on the street because I questioned his plans. Watching him fall further and further in love with someone else and being not good enough to comfort him. Countless violations of my body. But that didn't matter, he made me feel alive, made me feel real.

Love is the craziest thing in the world. One moment you're fine you don't need no-body cept maybe a few good friends and then the next thing you know, you can't function right without it. You do anything, become anyone. Just to see him smile at ya. 

I've killed for love. Multiple times. My most memorable, my first v-day with him as Harley, he… he kept me tantalized all evening about the fun we'd have and the mayhem we'd cause. You wanna know what the big date was? We broke into some mansion and beat the couple to death. Or he had me do it. What would be the fun of him unwrapping the gift he'd gotten me. Or at least that's what he told me as he sat picking his teeth with a steak knife. I can still hear the woman's screams as I bashed her husband's head in. The pleas that all they'd wanted was to enjoy their valentine dinner. I almost stopped but then he told me I'd be ungrateful and would ruin such a perfect night. He questioned our love next, and I finished killing the woman. I didn't ever want him to doubt my love for him, later that night while we'd fucked he'd whispered to me it had all been a test and I'd passed with flying colors. Once we were done I crept away and stayed in the shower for hours. I couldn't get clean… but the next morning he surprised me with my babies and everything was great again. Or at least that's what I told myself.

Devil Harley says I should'a finished him when I had the chance, but he escaped. Deep down I feel like I hesitated in killin' him cause I still kinda love him, ya know. And yeah I know mentally it's okay to still have feelings for him and want nothing to do with him but my heart is split between loving him and wanting him dead.

So yeah I know what love is.


	9. Entry 52 or 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harley needs a break after -redacted-

Entry 52 or new #1

Fuuuuuck, that's all I can say. I mean there's more a ton more, but I'm sure there's still some way that old bitch can still have me killed; even if I "earned" my freedom and the bomb in my neck was removed. Lost my old journal, okay more like it was confiscated. Lost connection with most of my connections, all I have left are the voices in my head. Its funny really, all the crazy shit I've done and all the crazy shit I've seen none of it compares to the batshit fuck show that was …. working with that team…. I need a break…. from all this super shit. Thinkin' of going back home to Jersey.

But first I should do what I've been avoiding what feels like decades…. Oh God, it was… but I don't want to remember that little crossover… I need to see Red.


End file.
